Many of you might be wondering why Pakistanis should watch a show that depicts the Indian system of arranged marriage? Although the medium has a fancy-schmancy title of a matchmaker, you will see your neighbourhood Rishta Aunty on the screen. Believe it or not, certain customs are the norm in both countries.
Sima Taparia is Mumbai’s top matchmaker. She is seen roaming the streets of Mumbai and attending parties abroad to spread the word about her business. Sima views her clients as her children or a younger sibling. Her methods include meeting the clients at their home to learn about their lifestyle, nature and inquire about their preferences. She then dives into her extensive database to find a good fit.
Proposals That Had You Scratching Your Head
Have you ever met a Rishta aunty, who has given you questionable proposals? In the show, you will notice the matchmaker giving incompatible proposals to her clients.
For instance, Aparna is an attorney, who is not looking for the funniest guy in the room. She would like someone driven and ambitious. The first proposal she received was of a laid-back person, Srini because he ‘understands sense of humour.’
It is not the worst-case scenario. In fact, the date was going smooth until Srini’s revelations, such as going where the wind takes him, abruptly slammed the brakes on any future happenings between them. The girl checked out faster than you can say, “check, please!”
“Hey, I remember you asked me about my preferences. Did you note them down?” asked the client, quizzically. If your answer to the opening question was yes, your mind might have drifted to the aforementioned thought or, “Did I fail to articulate my preferences well?”
Speaking of preferences, Mrs.Sima Taparia believes that, “Adjustment also is a part of a happy married life. We cannot be greedy. . . . It cannot be tailor-made. You have to adjust and a little compromise.”
However, when given an accurate proposal to the likes of the client, Pradhyuman, the posh and creative man excitedly expressed, “Ahh… She is so cute.”
Perhaps, sharing shortcoming proposals is an unintentional way of perpetuating the patriarch thinking of, “a person shall compromise and adjust to reap the benefits of a happy married life?” announces the town crier. It can also be that the matchmaker database does not have the best fit.
Display One: The Scrutinisation
Please raise your hands, if you think meeting the family prior to just meeting the man is unnecessary and awkward. From voicing standard questions in the hopes of continuing a conversation to the everlasting cringey pauses, it has all been documented. The question, what is the purpose of someone being exhibited? Evidently, you are not going to get to the root of the person nor does it always build a strong rapport between the families.
Moreover, the stigma attached to one-on-one meetings is baffling, to say the least. It can be a hard pill to digest for families that are tightly woven in conventional ways of engagement.
But fam, is it not exhausting to continuously meet new families and does it not damper your excitement to hear another ‘no’?
Let the one-on-one meetings prevail! It makes the already uncomfortable situation, somewhat easier to breathe in for the potential couple. As one of the clients reveals, “When you are with family, you cannot ask so many questions openly.” And no Mrs.Sima Taparia, in all politeness, not every meeting of such nature is destined to flop.
The Stigma Faced By Independent Women Versus the Ideal Daughter-in-Law
“What makes dating difficult is the fact that the basic interpretation of a woman, who is … lives on her own terms is that she cannot get married because she won’t know how to adjust. They think these women are really cunning,” reveals Ankita, who rebelled against people’s unjust picking of her weight and beauty.
This sexist thinking was also confirmed by Sima, when Aparna mentioned she is a lawyer. “If females are lawyers in India, people are scared.” Why? A simple question whose answer can not justify an independent woman being labelled as cunning.
Why are families threatened by a strong-minded woman? Perhaps, its because they want a cordial and easy to control person. A working woman might oppose and hence, she is not one for the choosing. “A person shell fit into the family dynamic without any complains, like a missing piece of the puzzle,” announces the town crier. It seems like such families have a risk mitigation and contingency plan. Don’t you think?
And why do some people prefer an educated woman, but then stripped them of their right to practice in their field? Perhaps, its because a working woman has a separate life outside her home. And this knowledge might cause discomfort, uncertainty, and amplifies the feeling of lack of control for the in-laws.
The Prevalent Discriminatory Preferences
“I tell my clients don’t go by the picture. When you meet personally, you’ll come to know what type of smartness is there, fair skin, colour or anything,” explains Sima Taparia, the matchmaker.
You will mention the discriminatory preferences: racism, sexism, colourism, and weight, etc. I will draw a checkmark beside it.
In the show, Nadia, a chameleon who is Guyanese with Indian heritage, shares her experiences of dating within the South Asian community. To summarise, here are some of the phrases she has heard: My parents want me to marry a Gujju or a Punjabi girl. Ah man, you are not exactly Indian. We are not interested.
From this to perpetuating the thinking that a divorced woman with a child has limited options and thus, she shall compromise and adjust.
On the contrary, a divorced woman belonging to other communities do not have to compromise and adjust to find a life partner again and to live a happily married life. It seems that while certain communities are fighting for the rights of people from varied backgrounds. South Asian community is happily sustaining its regressive mindset. Hence, the people left in the corner are the victims of ostracism, compromising and adjusting.
Moreover, one of the saving grace was Vyasar, a high school college counsellor, and his loving family. They didn’t have any qualms about receiving and then pursuing a proposal of an older woman.
The Family Emotional Atyachar
Once upon a time, a child reached the ripe age of 25. As precedented, the age where one is subjected to emotional atyachar. For some individuals, it begins early in their twenties.
In the show, Akshay and his family story is one that you might find in your neighbourhood. The parents are constantly bringing up the marriage topic before you can take a bite of a morsel or when you are casually hanging out with them. The single lad/gal has not shared their list of preferences. The exception being that they are very close to a parent and they want a person, who has the same qualities as that parent.
Why are some parents in a hurry to get their child hitched? They are not only putting themselves through immense stress but also consuming the child’s world with marriage is be-all and end-all. Is it?
Mrs. Sima Taparia shares a famous saying, “The wedding night cannot be delayed.’ It will happen for us as per destiny.”
